Nikolai Guins

LETTERS
1922

1) Jan
2) Feb 1
3) Feb 10
4) Feb 16
5) Mar 1
6) Mar 3
7) Mar 6
8) Mar 18
9) Mar 20
10) Mar 22
11) Mar 27
12) Mar 29
13) Apr 4
14) Apr 8
15) Apr 16
16) Apr 26
17) May 3
18) May 7
19) May 10
20) May 25
21) Jun 11
22) Jun 18

1922/1

From Krasnoyarsk  January 1922

Happy New Year, my dearest girl!

New hopes for our reunion, our mutual happiness!

Though the last year was for us a year of our love’s ordeal, this New Year, 1922, may perhaps be a year of our happiness and love.

I am suffocating here alone, without you, without all of you whom I have gotten used to in the East, whom I have come to love so much.^[1]

All those whom I’ve accidentally encountered here in the foreign land sympathize with me but cannot help me in any way, and so I have to withstand this terrible spiritual solitude.  Wherever I am, I feel bored and miserable, and there is no rest or happiness and only my job fills up my day and distracts me from other thoughts. I have already written to you about the work day in our union going from 1 o’clock till 7, and obviously in this way almost the entire day is filled up, leaving only a short evening and the night. 

It often happens that after work I do not want to go anywhere for fun and some women I know joke that I am faithful to different prejudices and live as a hermit. I only grin when I hear such hints and continue with my dull and boring life. When it becomes impossible to bear, I visit the family of one police investigator I know – a very interesting person in every respect. This is a large family and I seem to recall mentioning it in one of my letters.

Over a cup of tea, in a circle of young people (his brother is a university student), I’m able to get distracted a bit from my difficult present life and to get carried far, far, away back to our Homeland when everyone of us would gather around the tea table, when the soul feels so calm and pleasant from everything surrounding you!

And that is (by the way, they are Southerners from the Taurida Governorate^[2]) who I like to be around, and I have become especially attached to the parents of Nikolai Nikolaevich. They pay me with the same coin, inviting me, as if I was a part of the family, to all their family gatherings.

I would very much like to thank them for such kindness and, knowing their fondness for gardening, would like to make them a small surprise with the help of my beloved little wife. You see, dear, as far as I remember, Kader from Paleva St. No. 2 has a garden that I have been to before, and, if you could visit him and manage to send a package of Erfurt early dwarf cabbage, the same of cauliflower, and of kohlrabi, then I could, with your direct participation, greatly please them. Yesterday the old man complained about not having either one of those and even early tomatoes, and his old wife keeps whining about asters and carnations. I have, of course, taken note of this and decided to try to ease their grief.^[3]

If this thought, Yul’enka, can really become a reality then write to me and send it, if that is possible.

Apropos: I have not received your photos yet. I kiss you passionately and wish everyone happy holidays. Your husband.

[On the margins:]

P.S. Do not worry about me. Having warm clothes, I do not fear the 40⁰ frosts, and only shed bitter tears facing them, viciously contracting the air in the chest.  Sleep, my little one, in warmth and have happy dreams of me.

1922/2

From Krasnoyarsk  February 1, 1922

My dear, beloved girl!

Today is a merry and festive day – I have received two letters from December 20^th and 28^th together with a photo of you. So lovely you are, that I can’t stop rejoicing looking at your image, which has permanently been imprinted onto my brain. Every day before going to sleep I have gotten used to taking a last look at the photo before turning off the lights so that I can fall asleep thinking about you, my dearest little wife…  And when I look at you, you come to life, grow and I clearly feel your closeness, feel that I am not alone, and so pleasant it feels on my soul that I forget about my grief, about all these hardships and trials and… calmly fall asleep with you.

Since receiving your photos, I have also received the ability to sweetly fall asleep with the thought of my beloved one.

And so it is today that I feel that despite the thousands of miles separating us, you are still here with me and I can converse with you, consult with you about all my doings and feel a warm strong love for my rare and faithful friend! Yes, you are right, we desperately want to establish, at last, our private life without all the quarrels so that we can work together and to find gratification in each other.

My darling, forgive me for not wishing you a Happy Birthday. I confess to totally forgetting about the 1^st of December in the Old Style^[4]. But all the other dates of our love I will remember for my entire life, and the 26^th of July^[5], in the Old Style, will never disappear from my memory, just as your dear image never will.

How pleasantly my heart contracted when I was reading the letter from December 28^th, where you write that what you and I have been through were the brightest moments of your life. I will never forget these words and am filled with joy for playing such a role for you. I fervently want to continue this love of ours, but everywhere this damned “but” gets in the way and, maybe, the year 1922 will get rid of it, at last, and allow me to transfer…

Yulechka, you are asking if I have received the money that you have transferred to me, but have you not received the letter where I thanked you for worrying about me and asked you not to spend any more?

It seems as though I have received everything but the package sent through the Tsentrosoyuz^[6]. Here, at the local Governorate Union of Cooperatives, I was making inquiries and was promised a telephone call 4-20 when it gets here.

You see, my little one, I do not know how you have addressed it – to my work place or to my home address? As soon as it is received, I will immediately let you know, as I have done before when receiving different samples from my caring girl.

I have received a change of bed sheets, and everything else: 22 parcels- cocoa, sugar, tea, cookies, grain, etc.

Once again for all of this, for your great love of me, unworthy of it - I passionately kiss you on your sweet lips, kiss your little hands that I love so much and dream of the moment when I can, at last, seat Yulechka on my lap and firmly kiss her to pay back with % all bills. 

[On the margins:]

Thanks to everyone for their hellos and for remembering me. Kiss for me all your family, which is also my family. Good night, my girl, and do not worry about your wanderer-husband. I am well and feel excellent after the lard you have provided. Take care of yourself, love, and be careful not to get sick. I always think of this.

From Krasnoyarsk  February 2, 1922

Thank you, dear Milya^[7] for your care for me and my wife.  I cannot find the words to express my gratitude, and it is only personally, upon meeting you, that I will try to pour my soul out to you!

Yes, you are right, I was ill, and my sickness was grave enough to have a possible end in the better world “ad patres”, but good care and my friend, the doctor, already deceased, by the way, gave me a possibility to get on my feet again, gather up my strength and get back to work.

And a year has already passed since those times (Feb 1920) and I’m alive, but my colleague could not withstand it and passed on to nirvana.  Upon his advice, I keep treating my lungs with [unintelligible, most likely name of a medicine] and, thanks to my darling wife, a home remedy – hot milk with sterilized Harbin lard.

If my wife did not send the lard, then, without a doubt I would not be able to find it here for obvious reasons.

Now I feel tolerably and do not hope to get better until my plans about transferring to the Far-Eastern Council are realized.

That was promised to me, and I hope the transfer will happen sooner if the people in Chita bring up this matter before the Sibrevkom. The local Gubprofosyuz^[8] worker is trying to help me, and I doubt there will be a delay on its behalf.

Getting letters from my Far-Eastern friends and relatives, with whom, judging from the letters, you seem to be in good relations, is a great comfort to me.

I was greatly pleased to receive the photos of my little nephew, and it would be good to have photos of the other one as well.  Ardent thanks to you for your warm letter that warmed me so much in this realm of frost! 

The latter can be handled, fully armed with the warm clothes that I did receive, by the way. In general, I live without need, and only one desire drills my brain –  to soon see and nestle the one I love so much!

And so, farewell, I kiss both of your hands and with all my heart I send best wishes to all the family.

Kiss once again,

Your truly,

Kolja

1922/3

From Krasnoyarsk  February 10, 1922

My dearest dove!

I am so happy that our correspondence seems to have stabilized…may I not jinx anything!

Today I received a letter you wrote exactly a month ago.  In it you ask whether I received the wool socks in one of the packages.  No, my dear, regrettably I did not receive them, but how pleasant it was to drink cocoa with sugar and snack on “flour” cookies.  In one of my former letters I described what I received, so I suppose there’s no need to repeat myself.

I’ve had nothing from the cooperatives’ union so far, but for the second day now I’ve been bored expecting Sveromiatin’s train—he telegraphed for me to meet him at the station.  I’ve been walking around in this awful cold and all in vain—there’s no clue as to when he’ll arrive.  I hope to find something out tomorrow.  It will be most vexing if the train arrives at night and I do not manage to meet it.

I do not want to stay at the station, in order to avoid catching a cold; but I do live a fair distance from the station, like that between uncle’s apartment and Chudin’s on Chinese Street (on the embankment).

I hope you understand my state, dearest!  I’ll run again tomorrow morning, hopefully I won’t miss it.

That which you write about Harbin’s aid for the starving is indeed terrible, but it’s good that they managed to send four trains, at least.  We the employees give, as you remember, 2% of our earnings, not to mention that all items of luxury, all spectacles are taxed in favor of the starving—in a word we take from everything we can manage!

My dearest girl, if only you knew how I miss you, how I yearn to see you!!  Perhaps fortune shall smile upon me, and give an opportunity for us to live together again, as we once had before.

We could start up a life together again, instead of this lopsided life apart from one another.  I’ve decided to exchange the nomadic life for a settled one and drop this wretched commerce, which has cost me so much.  Of course, without it one can’t gather money for a trip home, one cannot have means to live, everyone understands me perfectly, but I’ve suffered so much that I cannot further bear this loneliness which has taken on such a long-term character.

There are several folk from Harbin here, who got stuck like I did and still have had no opportunity to return home.  True, one of them is entirely lonely, I expect it must be a matter of indifference to him, but to me, whose happiness is so far away—it is a vital matter!  I’ve gone through so much in these three years apart from you, my joy, and I’ve aged a lot.  Now all my hope lies in seeing you and getting a transfer out of here, for I really cannot tolerate this cold which poisons any attempt at survival.  I’m surprised you’ve had 27 degrees—that’s a rare case.

Forgive me, my dove, I’m very tired and want to sleep.  Good night, my dearest.  With all my strength I kiss your sweet lips and thank you for your love.  Your passionately loving husband.

On the margins of page 4

            Say hello to all of your folks for me, and tell them that I kiss them warmly for their remembrance of me.

1922/4

From Krasnoyarsk  February 16, 1922

My joy, my dearest girl!

I literally do not have the words to thank you: today almost simultaneously I received both packages, one from the Gubsoyuz^[9], another one through Syromyatnikov!

The latter had telegraphed me to meet him and receive by the train’s arrival.

Now I am provided with everything! And only wish to see you soon, my beloved wife! The one who doesn’t forget me for a minute and tries with everything she can to help her errant husband.

My little dove, how much I want to hug you, kiss you and cry without an end so as to cry out once and for all all the grief of separation and suffering I have withstood without you.

Overjoyed to have received the packages, I hurried up to the telegraph, but unfortunately all was futile as they would not accept a telegram to you.

I asked Syromyatnikov to let you know, if possible, but I don’t know if he will be able to. He has had so many orders, such was the hustle, that I even felt sorry for him. Luckily, the train arrived in the morning at 11 o’clock and I did not miss him.

You know, incidentally, in meeting the train I have come to know one of the employees of our railroad, Pavel Konstantinovich Mironych, who also has left his wife in Harbin; he, poor guy,  openly told me that he would have liked to send her here, but, knowing that she won’t be able to withstand this terrible continental climate, had to abandon this dream and patiently wait until the troubles of transferring back to the Railroad Management are successfully resolved.

I am very pleased that fate has pushed us together;  it is somewhat easier to see my countryman in the same situation as me.

We were both afraid of missing the train and have even established a line of duty and finally succeeded.

How pleasant it was for all of us to see this train, that we hoped for so much, the train, bringing happiness and joy from the Far East!

Oh, how much I would give to finish my duty here and to come back home together with Syromyatnikov.

Once again, thank you, my dearest, precious little girl that I love so much!

Good night, Yulechka! Sleep and dream good, rainbow-colored dreams. I kiss you firmly on your precious lips, kiss your arms, so caring, restless, and ask to love as before this unworthy of you boy.

P.S. Kiss everyone for me.

1922/5

From Krasnoyarsk  March 1, 1922

My darling dove!

You are so wrong when you write that you cannot put your soul into the letters you write! Your letters caress and seize me as if you were right here beside me, and my heart freezes from all the happiness and I insanely want to embrace you and thank you for all the love you have given me! The longer I am here, the more I am becoming a fatalist and believing in our fate. Oh, if only I could be done with all these formalities that hold me here and do not allow for not imagining, but really touch the dear and beloved person whose heart is beating for me and preparing so much happiness in the future.

Although they brought on lots of grief and suffering, these dreadful thousand versts^[10] that separate us also fortify our love, the power and the strength of which I believe in.

What is the worth of my life alone without you? I cannot stand the gloomy and unhappy solitude anymore.

After the job that occupies the entire day, neither rest nor happiness may follow. Every day is like the other one, and there is absolutely no private life, which I want so much!

There is only one joy: when I get to read the lovely lines of your letters, written by a heart that so tenderly loves me. Only in that do I find joy and oblivion, and I only ask that fate not take that away from me.

My co-workers advise me to go to my homeland in Warsaw, but how can I go alone without you, and how can I dare to separate you from your family to set out on such a dreadful journey in such awful conditions, when nearly every day I’m told that many die on the way after getting sick with typhus and other pleasantries.

No, and a thousand times no.  In the name of my love for you, I will never make such a decision and with all my power will try to return to you where such a cozy corner awaits me. I remembered a song just now. Why am I not a falcon, why can I not take flight, if only I had wings, I would fly to you and live happily, work and rejoice in family life.

My little dove, do not worry so much about me, I am able to feed myself through my work, and although the prices for life-necessities are increasing at an unbelievable rate, the Profsoyuz^[11] still allows for existence.

I kiss and hug my beloved wife and with all my heart thank you for the package sent through the Gubsoyuz^[12]. Such flour is rare here.

Your never-forgetting-about-you boy.

1922/6

From Krasnoyarsk  March 3, 1922^[13]

My dear, ardently loved Julia!

Imagine what joy overtook me yesterday!

Yesterday I phoned the people from Harbin here and was told that in a few hours the train, of which you, dear, wrote, would arrive. Of course, I ran with all haste to the station and got there in good time.  Around 3:00 the train Central Committee approached and in a few moments, I was plunged into the Harbin environment. Stepanov is a very nice person and I am very pleased to remember now those minutes that he devoted to me.

Needless to say, I received from him all three parcels, which put me in an ecstatic mood, for they have turned me into what here these days they call a "bourgeois."  Now without a doubt I am full provided for, especially the underwear, which, I must confess, I truly needed.

I bless fate for giving me a wife who loves me so much and cares for me and I can not imagine what I would do without you - You're my only hope and joy in life!

Today, sorting through the declarations of these things, I was full of you, enveloped by your whole being.  It seemed to me that you were standing silently beside me, smiling happily, staring at me! How I wanted to take you in my arms, gently caress and firmly, firmly kiss you to confirm again that I love you forever and till the end!

Yulchenochek darling, order me and I will do anything that you desire; I am ready to die for you in the way of the ancient knights.  Oh, if only fate would be so merciful and grant us a meeting—there is nothing better that it could give.

When I wrote my previous letter, I was in a terribly bad mood. But today, every little thing is ready to kiss because I feel your caring hands arranged them, preparing them for such a great trip.

My little girl, I love you madly for everything, and remember that I am always with you everywhere.  Do not be sad, my darling, and enjoy yourself as much as possible in anticipation of my transfer!

I firmly kiss you, your sister, her husband^[14] and all the children. Kiss aunt and uncle, and tell them all that I soundly soundly thank them for everything.
Dearly loving you, your "little husband

PS. It is now 2 at night. Sleep my girl and may your dreams all be good and happy ones.

1922/7

From Krasnoyarsk  March 6, 1922

My dearest girl!

Today I received the letter you wrote a month ago and started thinking. You see, my tenure as a member of the Board is ending in a month, after which I may be either reelected for a new term, or become a “free Cossack”, as they say.  Of course, as of now, I do not lose hope of receiving the news about the status of my petition for relocation and only then can I resolve the question of the future.  But, my dear one, as much as I have dreamt of seeing you, as much as I insanely strive for a life together with you, please consider everything I have written before and understand that it pains me to deny you coming here under current life conditions.

Would I, loving you so warmly, subject you, with your poor health, to all the various hardships?

I strive to leave here because this climate is not good for me, accustomed to the sea climate as I am, and to acquire a sedentary life here is not good at all.

It is better, my little one, that you hold on for a bit and then we will decide what to do.

My little dove, how grateful I am for all you have sent. Imagine how I go to sleep with great pleasure, covering myself with your blanket, and the sleep is excellent.

Thanks to you, I am well equipped with both underwear and outerwear and my coworkers are beginning to envy me.

Yesterday my hostess made shangi^[15] from the flour you sent and we all ate them with a great pleasure, remembering the old times when such flour never ended in a household.

Now we have grown used to rye bread that we get with a great difficulty (1,200,000 rubles per pood^[16]) and beg fate to never be out of it.

Simple wheat flour on the market costs 2 million rubles or more, and, so consider yourself how much I have to earn to buy all that is necessary for living. Nowadays I earn just enough for only 1 pood of wheat flour, and so I have to find sources of income other than the service.

All my time from morning till evening is busy and especially because all the business at the Board happens between 1 and 7 o’clock in the evening  when you get home after an evening’s cup of tea it is dark already and you do not want to go anywhere.

The same thing happens every day and I do not notice how the time flies, how I get old and how the best years fly off to nirvana.

In the host’s family, an unintelligent middle-class family, full of superstitions, with no needs but the purely physical ones, it is obvious that I cannot get any rest, and so I always spend time in my “cabin” (what I call my half of the room that I rent), appearing before my hosts only at the dinner table. One can’t envy such fortune, but what can one do if that’s what the fate is. My dearest, the thought of your nerves being “atrocious” scares me and I beg you to take care of yourself, to not worry yourself with dark thoughts and to keep believing and believing without stop, for belief is the best medicine.

I kiss you and hug you and send my heartfelt wishes. Say hello to everyone.

Your husband.

1922/8

From Krasnoyarsk  March 18^th 1922

My dearest beloved one!

One day follows another one, but there haven’t been any letters for two weeks now, and I am bored and sad without them! Only when I receive letters from you do I feel tolerable, but all the other time – sadness and hopeless longing.

Today is the day of mourning – the day of the Paris Commune. No work is happening, and all the employees are invited to attend the rally and the concert at 2 p.m. in honor of the first communist movement.

But the mourning is greater for my soul without a word from you. Of course, I am certain that you are writing to me, but this enormous distance that separates us is like a grave.  How cruel our fate is and how unfair it is to us both! How have we wronged it, that it still has not changed its anger to mercy and is so relentless.

That coworker, a friend of whom I’ve written, who was cooperating in the respect of the transfer, moved to Russia and did not finish the business, reassuring me that Dombrovskij in Sibrevkom^[17] will help.

A request has been received here, asking if any obstacles were encountered, and resolved in a positive way, everything else depends on the overall situation. This is what is known to me. I impatiently await Makarov who is coming with the second route, and Yepishin, about whom you, my dear, have written me. Every time that I meet the commissioners, I feel so pleased about seeing and talking to those whom you may have talked to awhile ago and requested to send your warmest greetings.

We conversed pleasantly with Stepanov, especially since he served with uncle on the Chinese Railroad and remembered him with a great pleasure. On the way back he promised to send out word about his arrival.

My darling girl, I am so drawn to you, if only you knew how much I want your affection and how I dream about it every day at any minute! All the friends are surprised that I forget all the rules and habits and do not wish to visit them. But you, my dear, understand me as well as I understand you, and I am just sad and frustrated that we have met each other so late in our life! How much happiness has flown away and how great it would be if we united our lives right away rather than wandering around the bush.

I love you passionately and remember all our past history of love and the happiness of our life together!

I do not lose any hope, of course, that we will be able to resume it once again, but I would prefer to do it not here, not in [unintelligible, name of a place]

I imagine how difficult it would be for you to live here in the conditions we are all in, and I am in, in particular.  As soon as I think about it, I sober up right away and begin to rationally think that it would be a crime on my behalf to ask you to come here to me. My little one, do not be angry that I write this, I do not want to test your love by subjecting you to severe trials since I know you all too well. Think a little yourself and consider all that I have written you before and that I underscore again here.

Write to me, my little dove, as before – your every letter brings me joy and strength to patiently wait for an opportunity to meet you soon.

Send my warm greetings and gratitude to all our relatives for all their intentions to help me. The last package truly provided me with everything necessary, and I do not know how to thank you all! Of course I could do that only upon meeting you in person, which I hope to be able to do. I kiss you warmly and tenderly hug my dear wife with my whole loving heart. I hope to gather up strength and health and patiently endure our separation, so as to live happily and joyfully once again, enjoying our life together.

Your loving husband.

1922/9

From Krasnoyarsk  March 20^th, 1922

My little dove!

I haven’t yet managed to send you a letter yet since the trains depart twice a week, and I am already hurrying once again to let you know that I have seen both Yepishin and Makarov today and have received a medical kit. My darling, my beloved one, at this enormous distance I feel the beating of your heart which beats for me. I deeply appreciate the love of all of you who try to help me any way you can, despite the enormous troubles, to help me and to alleviate the position which I have gotten myself into by the mercy of fate!

After Yepishin’s departure, at their request, I went to see an old woman named Ekaterina Andreevna Harzeeva, whose daughter lives in Harbin. I was to give her a few things and tell her the good news, that she would be taken [to Harbin] on the way back. And imagine how difficult it was for me to hear that two days ago the old lady departed “ad patres,” [died] having waited only for a pass rather than eternal rest.

If not for this occurrence, which I have forwarded to Makarov immediately, then today would be a complete holiday for me. I am insanely happy to know that you are doing quite well and that I have a letter dated February 26^th from you.

Trust that for my entire life I have a non-repayable debt to you and to all your relatives, who are my relatives as well, for all that you are doing for me now. I am aware, of course, how difficult all this is and how much effort must be made to send all this evidence of love.

We are all poor here, like the true proletarians, and, unfortunately, cannot reciprocated by any means other than these lines, and we only wish for these letters to reach their destinations sooner.

I will now wait for the letter with your photograph that you mentioned.  I want to see you as soon a possible and long to be with you, but… there is no news of the transfer yet, and I am full of expectations. I asked Makarov today to find out about the results of my petition to the Predsibrevkom,^[18] comrade Tchutskayev, and he promised to do so since he has some personal business with the Predsibrevkom.

And this is how I survive from one letter to another one, my darling, and how I work, waiting for that joyful moment when I can finally see you, my happiness and the purpose of my life.

It is hard to live now, anyway you look at it, and it’s not easy for you – I know that, but, with God’s help, we will live through this and, united again, will work together and together share joy and grief!

Firmly, warmly I kiss your little hands and you, my darling, I hug in my mind and desire to get warm on your chest.

Warmly loving you, your little boy.

Yulechka, my little girl, kiss your sister and her husband for me and tell them that I love them both, too, but, of course, not as much as I love you.

Goodnight, my little one, sleep well, as I sleep now under your blanket.

Your husband.

1922/10

From Krasnoyarsk  March 22, 1922

My little dove!

You spoil me so, I could become ruined receiving such packages and samples from you so often!  Today, just imagine, I arrive home after dinner, which I take at the Management Dept. dining room, and suddenly I see eight samples on the table:  one box of bouillon, two bags of sugar, two boxes of bacon fat, one of seeds, one of chocolate and one of grains.

Of course, all of this arrived, as usual, in half the amount, but it arrived all the same.  By the way, I forgot to tell you in my last letter that the same completely unexpected fate struck Epishin and Makarov’s first aid kit, which they only barely managed to get back.  I was glad that such a valuable thing as a thermometer arrived as intended.

My beloved little girl, thank you for fulfilling the request in regard to the vegetable seeds; tomorrow I will take this present to Nikolaj Leontevich, of whom I have written.

I can imagine with what delight he will untie the little bag, looking for his kohlrabi  and more.  It’s a pity that the letter [Julija sent telling Nikolaj the contents of the bag] is quite late -- if not even lost, unfortunately -- and I don’t know the details.  But in any case, I myself didn’t untie the little bag, since there were too many curious people along the way, who'd poke their noses everywhere and grab up all the contents.

Julchenochek, dear, tell me please, for what purpose did you send me these microscopic needles which I have no idea how to handle?  After all, our brother [meaning, colloquially, “our/my kind”] in this regard loves everything magnificent and not miniature:  if needles, then big ones, if thread, then definitely 10 [millimeter thickness], isn’t that right?

But all the same I will try to utilize them at the very first opportunity.

Today after work I went to see the former headmistress of the local high school Maria Pavlovna Popovaja, whose husband is currently living in Harbin and cannot by any means manage to bring her and their son to him.

He works on the Railroad as senior controller and perhaps you happen to know him.

Maria Pavlovna and I shared our mutual grief, which unites all of us in this respect , and decided to help each other as we can.

I read with great pleasure “Talents and Admirers”^[19]  in the News of January 19 and dipped a little into their lives, a very interesting continuation.

How goes the [dissertation / diploma] defense on the law courses?   Who of our mutual acquaintances lectured?  Write to me, my darling, about everything – I will kiss you upon meeting for everything, for everything.

Your ardently loving “boy”.

P.S.  Kiss, dear, all whom I love, after all you know me, as I am a part of you.

1922/11

From Krasnoyarsk  March 27, 1922

My dear dove!

I am replying to your letter dated the 21^st of February.  My darling girl, how can you think that I would exchange someone I love so much for someone nearby? You yourself write that you are sure in your love for me and that you will reward me for all I have gone through in this separation, but then you, my little one, make a completely wrong assumption — there are no circumstances in which I would even consider the thought of physical closeness to a person foreign to me, so as not to tarnish the bright memories I have of our life together, which I keep in my heart so carefully!

There is no place there for anyone but you, with whom I have united once and for all!  You are the one I was seeking for my entire life. If before I stumbled and got carried away a number of times, and made mistakes, now, after everything we have gone through and are going through currently, it is clear that we live only for each other!

So let your faith in me grow and let the assumptions that are torturing you fade away. I am only yours and want to know no other!

This is what I wanted to tell you, my love, and if you were with me, then I would try to illustrate my words with all the accumulated tenderness, the surpluses of which are so great!

When it’s particularly difficult for me, I always peer into your photographs, and my dark thoughts wither away and I go to a completely different world of happiness and dreams.

I am impatiently waiting for the next letter with a good photograph of you, that you, my dearest, write about, and am a bit confused about the phrase “I’m sending my photos” since there were none in your letter.

I have noticed that you, just like me, write your letters at the times when everyone in the apartment is asleep and no one interrupts our speechless conversations with each other. Even now everyone around me is asleep, and I am talking to you and will fall asleep now with just one thought to see you, the alpha and omega of my life!

And so, my little dove, sleep peacefully, drive away all your fears, and trust in that all I have written you comes from my heart that beats for you alone.

I hug you so tightly and kiss you tenderly and sweetly.

Sleep well, my darling, your ‘little husband’

Dedicated to my Chinese kitty.

Tell your sister that I love her just as much, and respect her love and sympathy for us.

1922/12

From Krasnoyarsk  March 29, 1922

My darling, ardently loved girl!

Today, finally, I have received your real photograph and for this you have my heartfelt gratitude!

I already feel so much better just looking at your image, knowing that all these long years of our separation don’t matter anymore. Beside these two homemade photographs, I did not have with me any good, large picture of you, and I ardently kiss my little dove, who loves me so much and fulfills all my wishes, often by guessing them from so far away.

I cannot comprehend why it is taking so long to make a decision regarding my transfer!  They could at least tell me “ Yes” or “ No,” thus permitting me time to take some steps toward my future.  It is clear to me that if I am to stay here and request my wife to be allowed to move here with me, I will need to straighten out my position here by applying for a better job, possibly, even in the District. And only after this take some further steps.

The truth of the matter is that my term of my plenipotence as a deputy member of

the government is coming to the end at the beginning of spring and with the opening of navigation. That is when all our delegations from cooperatives and merchant-manufacturing plants and establishments will arrive here. Although, I think, I already wrote you about it, did I not?

In regards to living conditions, it seems like our position is getting somewhat better, as there was a scale established in accordance with minimal living expenses, which, a' propos, is being expressed as a number one with seven zeros!

Forgive me, my love that I write to you about such trivial things, but it is necessary to consider all of the pros and cons. In any case, I will notify you the very minute my situation becomes any clearer.

Thus, my little one, I kiss and hug you ardently once again for the picture, which will be so nice to have on my desk in front of me all the time.

Thank you, my dearest, for your little packages which have started arriving again, in spite of the great number of difficulties along this long way.

Goodbye, my only one, my love; good night to you! I wish you to only have good dreams, dreams full of joy and happiness.

Your ardently loving husband.

P.S. Please say “Hello” to everybody and don’t forget Nadya, Phelya^[20]. Write if you know anything about Stefani Stefanovich and^[21]…

1922/13

From Krasnoyarsk 

April 4th, 1922

My dearly beloved Julichka!

No sooner did I sit down to pen a letter and thank you from the bottom of my heart for both of the ration cards you sent, than the mailman brought me three little packages from you (rice, pearl barley and eleven pieces of sugar), which bear witness, my dearest, that you keep me in your thoughts and that your love has not cooled.

My dove, how I thank you for all this, how deeply I wish to hold you close, my joy, to whisper words of love to you; how I wish to finally be together and to share everything equally, once and for all.

The relatives are wrong when they ascribe to me the motives of which you write.  I was never an egoist, and it pained me to read the lines wherein you wrote that you will be a burden for me.^[22]

Is it in order to live apart that we united our lives, is it normal that due to existing circumstances I still haven't received an opportunity to return to you, never to part again, and then, together, to work and share both joys and sorrows?

In my letters I have explained to you my motivations in withholding consent for your arrival until such time as the question of the location of my future place of service is permanently resolved: either the transfer will take place and I shall be forced to remain here against all expectation, or I shall transfer myself closer to you and we shall be united all the sooner.

In any case, I assure you once more, my only happiness, that the moment the state of my position is made clear, I shall instantly let you know of my decision.

For a time it seemed that you and I might go see our mothers, whom we haven't seen for so long and who miss us so, but upon receiving the information you sent about the state of affairs in those parts on the one hand, and the famine in Russia in addition to colossal taxes on everything on the other, I have decided that the possibility of a trip was no more than a fantasy.

In general, my dove, I must tell you that taxes, including even an income tax, have been introduced on everything; my landlord has two horses and a cow, and will now have to pay 15 million per horse per six months, and 3 million for the cow.  He howled like a wolf when I told him these numbers.

Quite naturally, in connection with all of this our life is becoming all the more expensive; just today I learned that a simple letter sent beyond our borders is to cost 40,000 rubles in stamps, and a registered letter is double that...  This wouldn't be so bad, of course, if only the salary were handed out fully, and on time but, regrettably, there is a large delay in this which reflects strongly on the lives of the staff.

Flour, the most important food product now costs 1,800,000 rubles, 2.5 million if it's wheat.  A gram of saccharine costs 30,000 rubles and a pound of sugar is between 300,000 and 350,000.

And so, given the insufficiency of income and the unusual growth of prices, it is quite clearly impossible to save up anything whatsoever for a ''rainy day''.

If you lived with me and we served together, then--taking into account my relatively good salary of 6 million--we could survive.  But the very essence of the case is that I have no idea what will happen once the term to my authority ends, and the Siberian Revolutionary Committee [Sibrevkom] is undermining me by keeping me completely uninformed.

All this put together creates a mass of questions for me to solve.  This reminds me of a game in chess, where one must think several moves ahead in order to take the match...  Right now I find myself in the position of a gambler, discussing our future life together.

Forgive me, beloved, for having exposed you to the prose of my daily life, but I must keep you informed, at least partially, of all these circumstances.

Julechka, my dear, it is such a pleasure to receive packages from you, but I am very much afraid that this reflects on your budget to the detriment of your own interests, and that is why, my dove, I ask you not to waste money on me so.

There was mention in today's paper, that one of the packages from Harbin proved to contain nothing more than rags.  A good thing that I've not yet experienced such a disappointment, considering it by far for the best not to receive such packages, don't you think?

I kiss you with all my strength, and in my mind I embrace my dear girl, who took me into a captivity which has brought me happiness and joy, and promises to do the same in the future.

Loving you passionately--your faithful friend and husband.

1922/14

From Krasnoyarsk  April 8, 1922

My little Dove!

Today is Palm-Sunday and, in one week, Easter is coming…

Arriving are great days of nature’s resurrection, days of love and joy of life!  And, I hope that for us, along with this great holiday of Christ’s Resurrection, our happiness will also resurrect, happiness which is so necessary for us, which we need so much!

This faith that penetrates your letters through and through has had a great influence on me. I am now so much at peace, and patiently awaiting this resurrection, which alone can heal our emotional wounds brought by our separation. If only you knew, my dearest, how much of my health and my strength have suffered from being apart from you!

And only now, when, finally, we built up some connection through letters (we now hear from each other after a very long time of nothingness) –my life has become so much easier! I live with a hope of our soon-to-be reunion.

By the way, there is no answer from SibRevCom and I don’t have any explanation for it.  Remember, I wrote to you about our Secretary, who has a sick wife, and is so busy…^[23]

God willing, by next Easter we will be together and will never again be torn apart so unwisely—that’s how it happened almost three years ago!

My darling, wish a Happy Easter from both of us to our old ones. Wish them the health and the strength to see our arrival back to them! My dear, don’t forget anybody and remember that we are always together in our souls. We are together in spirit, and we talk and advise each other every minute. I don’t have anyone but you, you are my only friend and I pray for one thing only – that destiny will preserve your love for me forever.

I ardently kiss my little girl who has my heart.

Be joyful, my Dove, at these Easter days, and remember that, although we are far from each other, at the same time, we are together.^[24]

Wish to all our close family “Happy Easter” and best wishes…

Good bye, my joy and happiness. In the first day of Easter, as soon as I am back from early morning church-service, I will kiss you^[25].

Your husband and true friend.

1922/15

From Krasnoyarsk 

April 16, 1922

Christ has risen!^[26]

My dear, precious Yulechka, my first, the most precious and the warmest kiss goes to you!  Thank you, my little dove, for the Easter present – the happy news of my transfer!

It was just yesterday that I received both of your letters dated the 14^th and the 15^th of March. I am deeply saddened, my darling, that you became so worried about me, having read the letter addressed to your sister.  You see, my little girl, I was writing of what I went through and not of what I am going through right now, and so there is no reason to needlessly worry and get upset.  I feel fine now, and if you were here with me, my little one, I would feel excellent.

The only thing I dream of now is to sooner be with you, the happiness of my life!

That is my only medicine, my only need! I do not need anyone but you, and no one can replace you for me. I still warmly love you, as always, with all the ardor of my passion! Oh, if only the time would come for me to see you and for us to be united forever.

My Yulchenochek, thank you, my dove, for all 27 of your little packages. I am only greatly perplexed by the package with a pair of ladies’ stockings, which, as I have deduced, you, my dear, sent me by mistake – is that not so?   I received it on the 12^th of March and decided to trade them for money since it is an expensive and popular good.

You wrote me about [likely name of a medicine].  Do not be angry, Yulechka: I have given it to the secretary’s wife, who is sick with tuberculosis and is in great need of such medicine. I am doing well without it since I am drinking the lard you’ve sent me, with hot milk.

My hostess, whom I owe a lot, watches over me in that respect. She is a great woman, and got attached to me as if to her own. Living with them is wonderful and the only drawback is the lack of a separate room for me. It is terrible to realize, sometimes, that on the other side of the divider they listen to what the coworkers, who visit me, talk about, or listen to whatever I am doing.

Of course that is not pertinent to the hosts themselves, but to their devilishly curious children. Sometimes I get very angry inside when I notice that in my absence they have been shoving their noses everywhere and it seems as though I do not have any belonging they have not seen or touched with their hands. This is why all your photographs are always with me and your persona never becomes a conversational topic for them.

I carry you, my dearest, in my heart and near my heart, protecting you from any gossip or rumors that I can’t stand.

This is such a low-grade, in this respect, bourgeois family, that you would probably be horrified if you were to find out about my living conditions!  But this is acceptable to me, who spends very little time at home and only returns around 9-10 p.m. to sleep. With my working conditions, I very rarely pay attention to all these negative aspects, considering only the value of the positive ones: a simple but nutritious dinner for one million rubles, various services of a purely domestic nature, etc. In a word, you can understand it all yourself, as I have lived with them for three years already, without any incidents or tears.

The hostess, Anna Ivanovna, says that if I leave, the entire family will miss me and remember me and my life with them. I, on my behalf, assure her that I will send her a present upon my return for her Name Day,^[27] praising her good relationship! In relation to food, for example, we have a true commune. Now, thanks to our joint effort, the table is set up for Easter, and everything reminds me of our old ways.

In addition to the flour you have sent, I was able to buy 6 pounds of seyanka^[28] of the best quality for three hundred thousand rubles, which, by the way, is fabulously cheap since one pound of rye flour costs three thousand rubles. Wonderful kulichi^[29] and cookies have been made from all of this.  It seems as though everything is ready for the celebration, but the most important piece is missing – my lovely wife whom I love and adore so much! My happiness is not here and I dream of the hour when I can come after her and never lose her again!

I firmly embrace my dove and kiss gently her dear lips.

Your warmly loving husband.

[On the margins]

Похристуйся^[30] with everyone for me and thank them for the memory. Write for me to our mothers and kiss them. With God’s help, we’ll see them in time.

1922/16

From Krasnoyarsk  April 26^th, 1922

Yulechka, my precious one!

Lately I’ve been hearing from some and then other people about the occasions of receiving a pass to the Far-Eastern Republic.

I, as luck would have it, have not received anything up to this day, despite writing a letter to the Sibrevkom^[31].  At any rate, I just hope that this request will be resolved one way or another.

I am longing for your letters: every time the train arrives, I wait for the mailman to bring news from my little dove, but the letters don’t come at all.

The trains arrive now three times a week: on Sundays, on Tuesdays and on Fridays. And the day after their arrival, I’ve gotten used to receiving either packages or letters and occasionally both at the same time.

On Friday during the Holy Week^[32] at 10 p.m. the train H^[33] arrived with the commissioner Mironov. I was forewarned of this and so I was at the station.

By the way, I was highly surprised by the fact that in the 1^st class car there were many children – apparently an entire family was moving.

I began asking around and, indeed, one of the commissioners is the chairwoman of the society for giving aid to Jewish orphans injured during the Pogrom (do not know her last name). She was not able to get permission for her husband, whom she hadn’t seen for four years, to go to her and finally decided to use the occasion and go to Russia with the entire family.

With much interest I was listening to all that she was telling me, and I completely agree with her that “the grass is greener on the other side”. By the way, she was talking about unemployment and, as an example, pointed out that 45 applications were filed for her position in a single day.

Mironov said that there are occasional deaths due to starvation where you are and, worst of all, in the place where there is everything and everything is cheap. Yes, indeed, it is terrible, and the Chinese government, as Mironov says, is right to not let just anyone in, considering such factors as one’s ability to sustain themselves as they go to the ‘promised land.’

By the way, the railway ticket price is going up starting May 1^st and the ticket from here to Petrograd will cost 30 million rubles. How do you like that?!  Can’t travel around now so much, can I?

In general it’s getting tough paying the taxes. I have already paid the general civil tax for help to the starving in the sum of one million rubles. Housewives who do not have children under 14 pay 3 million, if they are able to work, otherwise, of course, they are exempt.

I think that I have already told you of my salary – 12 million, and, if you, my dear, were living with me, then we would get by, but I can’t stand the continental climate and it’s obvious, therefore, that I must try to exchange it for the sea climate.

We scheduled the Governorate Congress of Delegates for the 12^th of June, and decided to re-elect the government. Maybe then my business with the relocation or vacation will move ahead and I will not have to nominate myself.

I pray to Fate to be merciful and not to torment me with this terrible separation from you, which is positively killing me.

I am deeply thankful to Pavel Lukyanovich for his cooperation and only regret it that it didn’t come earlier. I tease myself with a hope that his petition concerning me with a review from Commissioner Ozornin will finally help me with my greatest wish – to see my beloved wife whom I miss so much and who is the only one who can treat all the horrible wounds this terrible, seemingly endless, separation has brought me.

Without any doubt, I would not be able to find the means to survive if not for your loving letters, if not for your warm sympathy and attention.  This I feel literally in everything despite the colossal distance between us.

And so now I congratulate us with new means, with a new belief in the happiness of the upcoming reunion!

My beloved, thank Pavel Lukyanovich for me for his trouble and for his good relationship to me.

Upon meeting him I personally will be able to thank him for his readiness to finish the started business.

I think that it’s possible that he will need to ask Sibrevkom by the telegraph to make the vacation happen sooner.

I warmly kiss you, my happiness, and with all my heart, all my soul I aspire to see you.

Kiss everyone!

Your loving husband.
1922/17

From Krasnoyarsk  May 3, 1922

My darling, my love!

Once again I came to life today: I received your letter dated 26-28 of March, which was en route for so long, on its way to me without an end.

Thank you, my darling, for not forgetting me in my sufferings. With your letters and your loving feelings you are giving me wings. I love you so ardently and I am capable of doing anything for you!

You are asking, Julechka, what I have received from you. I am happy to report once again: 2 pood weight of flour, 1 pood weight and 5 pounds of grits, 20 pounds of sugar, 10 pounds of lard, and all this without counting the items, which you sent me all the other times. Also, you sent 2 pounds of tea and 42^[34]… all of it since March 22. In a word, my dove, if one was to convert all this into present money value, it will come to an amount of 30 million! A pood weight of flour now costs 6 million.

As such, your help is tremendous, so touching, that I literally can not find words to express my deepest gratitude to all of you who worry so much about me.  Especially touching is the care of my darling wife, who loves me so ardently that sometimes it seems to me she forgets to take care of herself. I know how difficult it is to obtain anything in your “blessed” parts where there is plentitude of earthly riches, but I know very well about unemployment which continues over there.

Those with jobs are lucky, but those who lost their employment are doomed for Tantal’s torments!

I wrote in my past letters about a visit on Good Friday from a secretary of “The Committee to Help the Starving,” and how terribly her story impressed me. After her visit, I clearly understood how difficult it is even to live in relatively nice conditions and not suffer. 

One day, I found out that someone by the name of Maria Pavlovna Popova, a wife of the controller of the railroad, had received permission to join her husband. And this only after long requests and petitions and even after being sent to a jailhouse for the desire to return to her husband.  And this week she leaves with her son. I became acquainted with her while receiving the parcels and now, using our friendship, have asked her to stop at aunt’s and send my ardent and sincere greetings. I will be so happy when you, my dove, write me that you have seen her and have spoken to her in private.

Maria Pavlovna is a very nice person who was a principal of a local school. She did not leave with her husband, who was transferred to the new place of work, as she wanted to finish the school year.

Here is one more example for you of a family so full of suffering, difficulties, and fear for each other, etc.,etc. That is why I want Maria Pavlovna to see you and bring some peace of mind to you about me as an objective person. Unfortunately, I did not have a chance to know M.P. more closely due to meeting her too late and also, due to the job, as I already wrote you, being done at 7-8 in the evening when I am so tired that do not feel like visiting people and dining with them, especially people who already do not have enough food for themselves.

When I was told that Popova is finally going, I was very happy for her and at the same time could not help thinking how nice it would be to go together, if I would receive permission from SibRevCom.

By the way, recently I asked one of my acquaintances to find out personally at Sib and write to me about the progress of the petitions of the Union and our industrial department. Maybe, so to say, with double effort, in the third year of our separation, I will receive permission to go back to you, my faithful friend—wife who I miss so much, with my whole heart and soul.

But how all of this has made my feelings strong like steel and hot like white-hot iron!  You and only you exist in my soul as a woman with whom I am tied with invisible bonds of love, by the relation of our souls and faithful friendship from whose eye nothing can be hidden!

You know that before that moment when we united our lives, I was tempted while not knowing the real feeling, the one I found in you.  I don’t have to write about this, because you already know how strong my real feelings are and how they have grown more and not diminished in the slightest.  Only you are capable of healing me from all the suffering and provide me with the peace of mind, the real happiness of which I dream every moment of my worthless life, by keeping the flame of an icon-lamp of hope which enlightens and provides strength!

Remember, Gofman wrote: “I have for you…” That is, he wrote about my feelings which like a wave engulfed me as if “it’s suddenly steep or creeping”.

“I have a sea of trembling kisses for you - do you want me to drown you in it?”

Oh, how much I would like to plunge ourselves in this sea of endless love and swim away forever from the torment and suffering of lonely people.

So, write to me, my joy and light me up with news from the Far East.

Your forever, ardently loving husband.

P.S. I just love your picture, the one against a black background. It’s always with me.

P.S.S.             Please, kiss everybody for me.

            Thank you for the photograph, which transports me into your room, where everything on your worktable is so familiar to me. All I think of now is to be with you on that wide, soft sofa! Good night, my love, rest peacefully.

1922/18

From Krasnoyarsk  May 7, 1922

My darling little elephant!

My dove, I  laughed so hard when I read your letter from April 7th where you wrote that you have become an “elephant”, “although not quite.”

Very glad that you gained weight and I can’t wait until I see you in person to judge how partial Vera is to you. By the way, my darling, pass on my greetings and best wishes to her. How I miss all of you, if you only knew.

God willing, your uncle’s efforts will be successful and I will finally receive permission to come back. Too bad, Jul’chenochek mine, that you did not give me a copy of the solicitation. I would like to have it, just in case, as you know I took nothing, not thinking beforehand and, as a result, we have both had to suffer.

Today, Jul’lechka, I met three trains and received three more pood of flour!  Thank you so much, little one, for your support, which you and your sister give me. I am in your debt and upon my arrival will pay you back.

Yesterday, I saw Maria Pavlovna (the wife of the controller of KBJD) return to her husband. She finally received  permission and returned with her son to her husband. I provided her with the address of Andrei Andreevitch (Gergardt, the family of Nikolaj’s Aunt Ludmila, to whom Nikolaj addressed all letters to Julia) so she could personally describe to them how good I look. The only thing I crave is to come and work for my family, to be with my “elephant” darling, ardently loved wife.  My beloved, please don’t be angry that I call you this name;  I like it so much.

Nikolai Leont’evich Kosachinskii is very grateful to you for the seeds you sent him, even though he does not like seeds.  It is of no importance – “it’s not the gift; it’s the love which counts”.

Good night, my darling girl, I am very tired from running to the station, and want to sleep so very much!

Ardently, ardently I kiss my little girl as I kissed you when we lived together and had not been apart.

Your little husband.

P.S. A big ‘Hello” to the relatives!

1922/19

From Krasnoyarsk  May 10, 1922

My ardently loved girl!

As soon as I mailed you my letter, I wanted to talk to you again, to unite emotionally with you. There is a picture of your room in front of me and, unwillingly, I am transported into it. With great pleasure I am seeing the familiar things on your little table placed almost in the same order as they were before. How comfortable your room is, my darling! And how I would like to rest on this wide, soft sofa after millions of torments!

My God, how I long for you, how much I want to caress you, how much I want to forget all the sufferings which have befallen me! I cannot comprehend why I am not receiving the permission and, under current circumstances, it is absolutely impossible to travel to obtain it.

In order to go to (can’t read  name of city) one needs 20 million, as only one ticket costs 12 million. Of course, I would be able to come to you but to travel to Sib for permission one needs a lot of money.

I do hope that Mishenov’s (?) telegram will help, provided he sent it, but in any case I am not losing hope and with all my being I am rushing to you, my darling wife.

My colleagues in misfortune have united in some sort of Harbin Society. They hold very close ties with the Central Railroad Committee, which sends trains to Povolj’e^[35]. By the way, I have become a member of a commission for receiving parcels a second time, and along with two comrades on May 7th received 62 parcels for our citizens.  In spite of major inconveniences in obtaining these parcels, I gain a huge moral satisfaction when they are given to people who are literally starving.

Thank you, my dove, for your help, and I ardently kiss you for it!

This was the third time I received some flour from you, in its wholeness and entirety.

Along with the parcels, I received the Committee’s announcement regarding the new requirements for sending parcels to us and was shocked at how expensive it is according to the new communiqué.

My little one, I beg you not to waste so much on me. It is enough for me to know that you love me and remember me.  This is all I need in my life and I am happy.

I kiss your lovely lips ardently and hug you tenderly, my darling wife.

Your faithful friend.

P.S. I send everyone a kiss.
1922/20

From Krasnoyarsk  May 25^th, 1922

To Yultza

Once again there is some sort of an interruption, my darling, in the letters and I am worried again!  Are you alright, and is everything fine in the family?  These are the questions that plague me.

Thank you, my little dove, for the flour I received on May 7^th and whose acquisition I have already written you about.

By the way, here it costs 10 million rubles and it costs you, considering the mailing, possibly no less than 20 million, if you translate the gold at local rate of 10 grams = 20 millions.

You know, dearest, I never thought I would be a millionaire, and now it turns out that I am an inferior one and thanks to you and on the arrival of your packages, I am  a little “bourgeoise.”

That which you sent me with Syromyatnikov and Stepanov, gives me an opportunity, considering the current conditions of the economic policy, to return home.

Just think about it: a ticket to Verkhturinsk costs, if I get a seat, 20 million, and so that’s how much I need to begin the journey. In order to get to Moscow, I need at least 100-150 million rubles which, come May 1^st, will be denominated in the official institutions, i.e. 1 ruble will be equal to 10 thousand rubles and so 100 rubles is a million.

My job requires me to manage finances and so I spend a lot of time counting and turning in old currency which I need to carry by large bags.

My little one, I turn to you with a request to give the attached document about receiving packages to the Central Committee. I’m using the occasion to send this letter with our chairman who was finally able to get a transfer, under large patronage.

He is happy to move to a different climate for his sickly wife.

I am terribly sad that he was able to get a transfer and I was not, but, of course, I do not lose faith in that Pavel Lukyanovich will be able to help out.

By the way, I have talked recently with Argeyev, who is moving with his wife, maiden name Mandru, to Bessarabia. Of course, he does not have a foreign passport yet, but hopes to procure it in Moscow, where he has powerful acquaintances in the Commissariat.  I’ve asked him to help me as well.

Well, my dove, I kiss you very tightly and all my thoughts, all my feelings and dreams are only with you, whom I love endlessly.

Your loving husband.
1922/21

From Krasnoyarsk  June 11^th 1922

My darling, dearest girl!

Yesterday I have arrived from N-nik^[36] where I went on a business trip as well as to find out about the transfer. Upon my arrival, I was greatly frustrated by the fact that my documents with the permission were sent to the local political department without notifying me, thanks to which my trip was futile and I ended up wasting around 30 million rubles which would be so useful to me for the upcoming journey.

Tomorrow I will go to receive my documents and will write you about all my preparations.

Upon returning from the business trip, which I had to pay for myself, I was very happy about the letters that were waiting for me! Two of them were from you (dated 10^th and 15^th of May) and one from my aunt. I was eternally happy reading them and dreaming of the future when finally, after a long time of suffering I will have an opportunity to reunite with my beloved, squeeze her tightly to my heart and never separate again!

If only you knew what I have gone through and am going through in this separation that is so extensive, so eternally long! At times, I have no strength to suffer through this loneliness amongst people foreign to me, with their highly limited needs and interests. I have written already in the previous letters that I am visiting two or three places where my soul rests from everyday tribulations of life, and this goes on from month to month. During this eternally long time I have changed, lost my looks the most desperate way and I’m afraid that upon seeing me you will be scared and will deny me. And this may, indeed, be possible – what do you think, my dove?

Aunt asks for a photograph of me for the cousins, but even if I had one, I would still not send it to her since I think that it’s much better to appear before you in all my true ‘glory’.

I am now concerned with the liquidation of my office affairs concerning the transfer and with finding the means to make the trip which requires 50 million rubles. At any rate, I expect to obtain this sum by selling my warm clothes like the coat, valenki, some warm underwear and 9 arshins^[37] of textiles that I have sewn nothing from since I have got a shirt from you.

In short, I think I can handle the money and I'll be able to settle and this will not cause any problems. I only hope that there will not be any troubles on the trip, like there was with a nurse named Cogan, who was robbed on the road and lost the money, her documents and a pass to Vladivostok where she was going to visit her relatives. I took part in the fate of this person during my business trip and helped her get a duplicate of her documents, and, besides that, lent her some money that she promised to return by sending it to aunt’s address.

If you see this person, then she will tell of all the horrors of starvation in Odessa, where she herself was starving, occasionally, as well. As a result of all these horrors, this girl is almost grey.

So, my dove, farewell! I hug you tightly and kiss you and I aspire to see my dove so that my soul can live well. Your husband.

[On the margins]

Kiss everyone, and I will thank Pavel Lukyanovich personally if that be God’s will. Once again I kiss you and send my best wishes. Kiss your mother.

1922/22

From Krasnoyarsk  June 18, 1922           

My darling ardently loved one!

On Friday the 16^th, at 1 o’clock in the morning, a train with food and medical supplies arrived.  In the company of my colleagues I met the train on time and received that parcel from N, which you wrote me about.

As soon as I received the parcel, I happily went home in order to rest after an almost sleepless night, since I spent the whole previous night with my acquaintances—starting at 3 o’clock in the morning.  Just imagine my surprise, when the very next day (yesterday) I came home around one at night, to find a note on my desk, an invitation to be at the attached address at 12 o’clock at night to see someone by the name of Semyonov, in order to retrieve a parcel.

Naturally, I went right way and found that he received 16 parcels which were not being delivered to the addresses. Among the parcels, one was mine but without documents. As a Secretary of the District commission, he gave them out according to expenses for delivery.  I paid one “ million”, as we say here in the local jargon, grabbed the parcel and ran as fast as possible home in order to open it.

My dove, you and your closest are spoiling me, I can’t find words to express my feelings, which overwhelm me!  Only privately when, God willing, I will be with you, I will try to prove how much I value your attentions and worries.  There is no one closer and more loved than my Julechka, and I pray that fate allows me the chance to reunite with her sooner. This is the only thing that gives sense to my life.

So, finally I received the long awaited transfer to the Far East Soviet in Chita, and, after selling my few belongings, and with your blessings, on Tuesday, the 20^th I will take the long journey in order to reunite with you, my darling!

When I just think about the possibility of our meeting, my little one, whom I haven’t seen in so long – I can’t breathe and my heart beats so fast that it seems like it will not endure all these joyous emotions. Now, I can’t sit still and I can’t wait to leave. But the trains, as if in spite, come only 3 times per week: on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.

I ardently kiss my dove, hug you tenderly and whisper into your ear “Love Forever”.

Your little husband.

P.S. My dearest, kiss your sister for me, her husband and the children. Thank them for their attentionsand their constant support.  Say “Hello” to everybody
Nikolaj Konstaninovich Gins/Guins

LETTERS

1927

Background:  In Harbin the women and children often spent the summer months at the river or in the countryside because of the high temperatures in Harbin.  The men remained in the city to work and would sometimes visit on the weekends.  Several of these notes were written during such a time.

Undated note, which is no doubt from the 1927 “cottage” correspondence.  It refers to a letter that is referenced in the longer note of June 24, 1927

1927 (assumed)

Dear Jultsa!

I don't know whether there is time to get to the ticket office, that's why I am sending the letter, which was just received, with Pavel.  I think that you'd want to receive it quickly.  _______ Pavel _____, and so _______.

All that was asked has been done.

Thanks for the letter.

_______ ______

June 24, 1927^[38]

Julia my dear!

With Lyujba I am sending you four sheets, three shirts, a _______,^[39] a pillowcase, one of the ____ sent, a toothbrush to clean the shoes, a bottle of liquid for mosquitos, as he said ________ and, finally, a curtain, which  ____ doesn’t seem necessary solo____  __________ .All your caring directives have been accepted by me and carried out with attention. I am very ____  drawn to you and I do not know if I can to restrain myself from coming on Saturday. But I was embarrassed that George is afraid to leave the apartment to our one and only Ivan, the other reason is no longer the high cost, because one can get there rather cheaply according to Pavel.

By the way, did he give you my letter with enclosure? Which was just received? from Kishinev. It’s from our Mitya; read it. You will see how quickly he received congratulations.

So, letters are not always lost, as once they were before.

Well, my darling, I kiss you and our little daughter, firmly, firmly,

your loving
Kolja

July 13^th, 1927

My darling Yulechka!

I arrived in Harbin in the rain, the only difference being that, while at the country house, there’s mud and water everywhere, here, such an environment does not feel oppressive.

I was overwhelmingly surprised when I saw my couch on the balcony, drowning under the rain for the whole day. I had to leave it to dry until today and to sleep temporarily in the children’s room. Ivan assures me that he has dried the couch very well and I will sleep peacefully. He is very happy, by the way, that the bicycle was found and recovered – his honor.

Today I was so busy with translations that I wasn’t able to stop by the police office to tell them to cease the search. But I was not too worried about this because the agent had been told that when visiting the apartment.

Today, by the way, Posokhin^[40] hinted that “it’s not a good business, to miss work days,” that, because I arrived on Saturday, it was almost necessary to close the shop since Iv. Il.^[41] did not show up, et cetera. That on Monday, I.I. was also sick and, although was present, was not able to sell, that he is complaining to Pogudskaya about his “exploitation”, etc, etc. Our “conversation” happened eye-to-eye, while Iv. Il. was conversing with a client in the office. By the way, what infuriated me in the end was that I hadn’t come in for a good reason, Tanyushka’s birthday. Then I blurted out to him that he, possibly, does not understand a father’s feelings at all since he can’t understand the desire to spend such a day with the family, and that we have nothing to talk about in this case. Then, [unintelligible – someone’s name] entered and the conversation ended; Posokhin hurried to retreat, as if he were afraid to continue.

Really, what a swine! Oh, and I also I forgot to tell you – he asks when P.A. will be back from his vacation, as if he doesn’t know, and who was it who fired him for two weeks?  He did not let him go on vacation last year; then I reminded him that Pogudskaya was on vacation for exactly two weeks, while Nikiforov and I did not use even an entire week.

But enough about this cattle, it’s disgusting and spoils the mood.  George advises to be patient and not to pay any attention to these outbursts. Maybe it will indeed be possible to get a position in the Bank of Mutual Credit and to leave the shop, but for the time being that is a secret.^[42]

Write about how you are doing, and how’s our daughter? Today the weather is excellent, and I thought that if your weather is the same, then all the mud will dry very quickly and the danger of flood will recede. Rumors of V’s^[43] cowardice reached Harbin. Today Brida has arrived – the English woman who said that your garden is flooded and that you escaped into the attic. Is this true? I suppose this is a strong exaggeration.

We went with Kolya (Julia’s brother)to the symphony yesterday, listened to two parts. The music and the garden left us gratified and, if not for the cost of the entrance – 70 cents – it would be easy to visit the garden more often.

Well, my dear, I kiss you and our little daughter.

Your Kolya.

P.S.  Zina^[44] is not going to go until Friday and so it will not be possible to send what you have asked for sooner.

[On the margins]

PPS I wanted to send this letter by mail, but decided that, since you’ll receive it on Friday, it will be better to send it with Kolya^[45]. Just in case, I am putting 5 dollars into the letter from my salary. Write me about your well-being and, for God’s sake, smoke less. Remember the rule which you’ve forgotten.

Your K. 

No envelope^[46]

August 9, 1927   (Nikolaj’s birthday)

My dear Julia,

Thank you for your congraulations and good wishes. I am always with you in my thoughts.  Today after the close of _____ I went to the Catheral with N.Gr. to a service.   I left with Pavlov and I intended to go home for tea, but on the way Eugene Mikhailovich and Gofman joined us and we all burst into an apartment where in the dining room Chinese were having a conference.  We had therefore to adjourn temporarily to the study where there was a lack of glasses and other tableware.   We did sit at a round table set for four. Fortunately the meeting only lasted another 20 minutes and around 8:00 pm we transferred to the dining room where we sat at a dining table with all kind of dishes set out.  My guests stayed until 11:30 as they apparently expected a supper as the end of the birthday boy’s celebrations.  But this was not in the program, so it became necessary to “set ashore the enemy.”  Who can remain the longest?  The first to surrender was Eugene Mikhailovich who left before 9 but in his stead, Archipov entered with his congratulations.

Later at minutes past 11, having understood the situation, Pavlov left, followed by Gorman.  On the balcony still remaind a typist, a friend of Luda, who dropped in casually.  In short only at 12 o’clock we sat down to our simple supper with special dishes and egg omelettes, raspberries with cream and fruit.  It was gay and relaxed.  George ? reminisced how he achieved ____ Pavlikovski and Feo . . .? and we laughed with pleasure when we pictured  how AA entered the dining room full of Chinese declaring, “Who on a day like that asks, ‘Can I come in?’”  I can imagine how embarrassing it was and it will be necessary to go to them with apologies.  Well, dear one, I kiss and embrace you -- ---- --- Wish you not to fall ill and to gather strength to bear the winter.  How is your finger?  Why don’t you write once more.

Your Kolya.

---

[1] Again maintaining the ruse that he spent a great deal of time in the Far East and has family there.

[2] Originally a Tatar Khanate, at this time part of the Crimean and Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republics.

[3] Puzzle! Has Nikolaj been to Harbin or is this yet another ruse to make it look to the censors that he has?  He could have made up the name and the address and Julia, understanding this could have (and did) send him seeds in response.

[4] “Old Style” is a term that describes the Julian Calendar which is 13 days behind the Gregorian calendar, adopted in Russia in 1918.

[5] The date of their marriage, August 8, “New Style.”

[6] Tsentrosoyuz stands for Central Union of Consumers’ Cooperatives.

[7] Nikolaj’s Aunt Ludmila Gergardt

[8] Governorate professional union

[9] Губсоюз, abbreviation for “provincial union”

[10] 660 miles

[11] Professional Union

[12] Governorate Union

[13] Year isn’t given but “Stepanov” is also mentioned in letters of March 18, 1922 and May 25, 1922.

[14] Not naming George and Emily, for their safety and his.

[15] Shangi are round open pies made from flour mixed with lamb or beef fat. The pies are most often made with sour cream, cottage cheese or mashed potatoes.

[16] Approximately 16.38 kg or 36.11 pounds

[17] Siberian Revolutionary Committee

[18] Chairman of the Siberian Revolutionary Committee

[19] Comic play in four acts by Alexander Nikolaevich Ostrovsky [this may be a newspaper column or serial named after the play, rather than the play]

[20] The names are fuzzy as the ink has bled. Unable to read.

[21] The name is fuzzy, unable to read.

[22] Could it be that relatives think he should allow her to come to him in Krasnoyarsk?

[23] Does not continue.  Page could be missing.

[24] Underlined in text by Nikolaj

[25] Christosovanie – the act of kissing each other on Easter Day

[26] A common greeting for Orthodox Christians during Easter. The greeter says, “Christ has risen!” and the reply is, “Truly, He is risen!”

[27] Not sure about this – in the original, there was only an abbreviation, Д. И. which is very likely to stand for День Именин – Name Day.

[28] Seyanka (Сеянка) – finely sifted flour.

[29] Special Easter cakes baked in Russia.

[30] Easter ritual that involves the aforementioned saying “ ‘Christ has risen!’ ‘Truly He is risen!’ ” and a kiss.

[31] Siberian Revolutionary Committee, the highest form of government in the Eastern RSFSR during the years 1919-1925.  Seems like the transfer he mentioned in the last letter has run into an obstacle.

[32] Last week of Lent, also week before Easter.

[33] Most likely, the Kharbin-Omsk-Petersburg train.

[34] Unable to read the word

[35] River Volga region where there is famine.

[36] ? Original: Н-Ник-ка

[37] 49 sq ft.

[38] This is an interesting reprise of their prior correspondence during their separation, where letters were often lost and they wrote lists to ensure that what was being sent had been delivered.  This time, happily, it’s just supplies for the summer house.

[39] This is handwritten in pencil and extremely hard to decipher, so there are blanks to indicate words that could not be made out.

[40] Co-owner, with Geroge Gins, of the bookstore where Nikolaj is employed.

[41]Most likely, Ivan Ilyich

[42] Underlined in the original.

[43] ?

[44] Zina Vologodskaja, who is being raised by the Gins family after the death of her father.

[45] Probably Nikolaj Prokhnistskij, Julija and Emilija’s brother.

[46] Probably sent with someone who was going to the dacha where Julija and Tanja were staying during the summer.